Tammuz
Dec 2025
★★★★★
At first glance, what strikes you about Artemis is how completely it departs from the usual brothels. Forget discreet entrances and hushed corridors: Artemis announces itself to the world, imposing, audacious, kitschy, monumental. Abandon all hope of leaving without having squandered every last penny.
The entrance is located alongside a highway, with parking and taxis shuttling back and forth day and night. Suffice it to say, you don't come here to hide: you enter through the front door, in full view of the world, like a self-assured, depraved old man.
Once through the door, you are greeted, relieved of €90, and then equipped with an essential item: a smartwatch. After a few steps, you reach the first changing room: a locker opens with the aforementioned watch, and this is where you leave not your clothes, but your wallet. We'll come back to that.
Next, you move on to the standard changing rooms with showers, where you can swap your civilian clothes for the bathrobe—the innocent toga—of the debauched client.
Logically, you arrive at the bar on the ground floor. In my experience, this is where the clients and girls congregate, the rest being rather deserted (a shame). Some drinks are included, others are extra. There's also a pole dancing area, though the pole remained empty when I was there. If you're looking for the cafeteria, as I was, you have to push open the door at the very end of the bar. Speaking of this famous cafeteria, so highly praised in the reviews: it's surely due to German taste, because I found it just adequate.
On the lower floor are the heated pool, saunas and steam rooms, a second bar, as well as restrooms, a gym, and a porn screening room—the purpose of which escapes me when consenting women are readily available. But perhaps this is a refined form of perversion that only a level 99 dark mage could comprehend. This floor is nonetheless pleasant for relaxing before, and especially after. A chance to sharpen one's sword before returning to the battlefield.
Finally, the bedroom floor, which is only accessible by escort from one of the staff. I only saw two: one, decorated in the style of ancient Greece, was well done; of the other, I have only a vague memory (distracted, no doubt...). In short, one doesn't come here to admire the bedding. The descent then continues... to the first changing room. Now you see why your wallet was waiting there.
Now, let's talk about the girls. They are numerous and generally attractive, although some have, in my opinion, gone too far with plastic surgery (is a natural bust too much to ask?). I also regret the almost constant nudity: seeing a naked woman for the first time is a powerful aphrodisiac; imposing nudity everywhere, all the time, trivializes it. Even more disturbing is the often insistent, even aggressive, approach of some women, incapable of accepting a simple "no thank you." It's a shame.
Leaving this experience, what to think of Artemis? For me, this place is… too much. In both its best and worst aspects. It's a unique concept: part libertine sauna, part brothel, all in a kitschy peplum-style atmosphere. The Chinese businessman rubs shoulders with the obese German, who in turn rubs shoulders with the Brazilian woman with a 95D bust. A Botoxed and priapic Babel sold by a stucco madam-like Aphrodite. I both love and am perplexed by this joyful, highly lucrative mess for some, and very expensive for everyone else. Imperfect, unclassifiable, therefore unmissable.